![]() ![]() Am I going to end up effectually as a live-in best friend who snuggles well? Am I looking at it all wrong? How do I ask my beloved for more passion? My internal debate the past week has been whether I love being a part of a deeply caring relationship and wonderful family enough to deal with a lack of passion. But with so many people involved, especially the boys, I feel like I am looking at a future without passion that I feel very strongly obligated to. ![]() I really don't think this lack of passion is a symptom of J having two lovers it seems like it's just her personality to love much but not to be overly romantic. But we never seem to have sex and her proclamations of love have already become run-of-the-mill "love you's." She even texted her husband and me the same message yesterday. All of her actions are caring and thoughtful. I know that her love is deep and abiding. What I have not been able to master, though, is a feeling of disappointment that her passion for me has seemed to fade so quickly. I do not feel jealous of J's husband I do not feel like an outsider in her family. We have avoided many things people might predict will happen in such a situation, though I will speak only for myself. I finally have the time I crave with the woman I love and the two little boys who have become so precious to me. Miraculously again, he agreed that I should move in. Miraculously, it seemed to us, he agreed to an open marriage in which J and I could be intimate. ![]() In the end, J's husband found an instant messaging chat between J and me in which we were discussing our deep love for each other and our affair. J's husband forbade her to see me because she was feeling so torn up over me. My new girlfriend was so attuned to the time that J needed and received in my life that I felt torn. She was so distraught that I had to take a mental health day from work to deal with the pressure I was feeling a week later, she had to take a day for herself because of the same. She would call me in tears and yelling about texts that hadn't been responded to for a few hours' time because I was with a new girl she accused me of not caring about her. J, however, became a person I did not recognize. I found a wonderful woman with whom I enjoyed spending time and felt I could have a real connection and a life. I had, however, taken her mandate seriously for me to begin dating (to make myself less available for the heated connection we'd been sharing). We drifted back together inevitably and with great speed. She even fibbed about having "plans" a couple of Saturdays to try to force us both to move in our own directions. Once we'd reached a comfortable yet thrilling understanding regarding our friendship and feelings and intimacy and had enjoyed it for months, J decided once again that it was time for us both to move on - her to spending more time with her husband and me to dating new people. "It's the closest you can get to someone, isn't it?" she said, as I was about to joke, "Can I just crawl inside your skin?" The intimacy was and is wonderful, by the way. We were on-and-off with the intimacy all summer: She did want to stop because of her marriage and because she felt our friendship wasn't in its best state with her worries about infidelity. She was distraught, and it was often I who comforted her.Īfter the first time we were intimate, she was remorseful by the next day, we were nuts about when we'd be able to do it again. J, a teacher, had just found out that her contract would not be renewed for the following year at a private school she'd helped to get off the ground. We spent most of our waking hours this summer together, and with her young sons, going to the beach, dog sitting, swimming and watching movies. We began working together two Augusts ago, then became closer last January by February I was writing to myself warning about falling in love with this married and unavailable friend of mine. I made a choice that I thought would make me deliriously, irrevocably happy, and it hasn't. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |